Titlemania 1
I woke up this morning and all the music news was about One
Direction and how well they performed their new song, The Story of My
Life. I was excited, not going to lie,
but I was excited for the wrong reason.
You see I only caught the last hour and a half of the AMA’s last night,
so I was not able to see them perform. Also, I have never really paid much
attention to One Direction. I don’t think they suck, but I am just a little too
old for Boy Bands.
So I was excited to
see how well these guys were doing this song, after all it is a song that I
like very much. That’s when I found out the bad news. One Direction was doing
their new song, which was not a cover of the Social Distortion song Story of My
Life.
I stepped away from the internet disappointed and a little
bewildered, I couldn’t believe those fiendish Brits could fool me like that. I
then went on to realize that this was not the first time that such a thing had
happened. Of course we have all been fooled like this once or twice
before. So I have compiled a list of
songs with the same name and made it sort of a wrestling match, reminiscent of
the 80’s; winner takes all, no songs barred this will be epic.
Story of My Life
One Direction vs. Social Distortion
Really, I would like to say that this is no contest, but The
One Direction song isn’t the worst song I have ever heard, and for its genre
and market it is everything that it needs to be. The video is also pretty cool.
The song is not fast, definitely not danceable, and It is not really a great
love song. In fact, I don’t really understand the lyrics and how they match up
with the video. Also, I don’t want to accuse them of anything, but parts of the
song sound majorly auto tuned. Yes I know everyone does it these days, and I
don’t like it. I can’t confirm whether or not this song is auto tuned, but it
sounds like it, so I have my doubts.
On the other Hand, Social Distortion, also has a great
looking video and the song really speaks to the major population of youth in
any generation. There is no way this was auto tuned, unless someone did a
shitty job of it. There is more angst in this song and that is what I like in a
song about “my life” Plus the other criteria that will come in handy throughout
this post is that I originally thought One Direction was covering Social
Distortion, therefore Round One goes to Social Distortion.
Creep
Radiohead vs. TLC
So Radiohead is one of those bands that you either love or
hate. If you were cool in the 90’s or at least wanted to be, then you loved
Radiohead or said you did. I like Radiohead, I don’t love them, I never got on their
bandwagon. To be honest; Creep is my
favorite Radiohead song.
So, that has to
weigh heavily on my opinion. It is early 90’s alternative. It’s right on the
border of being grunge and that is not bad for a British band. The song is a great anthem for anyone that’s ever
been picked on and especially anyone that has fallen in love outside of their league. There are moments throughout the verses that are so introverted
but the chorus is so loud and almost a fuck you to all the naysayers.
Then there is TLC, This song came out two years after the
Radiohead song. I don’t think that anyone has ever mistaken this as a cover or
thought that the songs were even remotely related. TLC’s song is about
infidelity and taken from the perspective that if your man is cheating on you
and you find out, then you should cheat too. Cheating is apparently referred to
as creeping, so when T-Boz creeps, she is essentially getting some on the side.
The song won a Grammy in 1996, and
definitely sold more copies than Radiohead’s song.
So the winner is….
Radiohead, was it ever really a doubt? Sure TLC had the more
popular song, but Radiohead’s song means so much more. Lyrics alone, Radiohead
is the winner.
The Power of Love
Huey Lewis and the News vs. Celine Dion
No fucking contest!!! Huey wins hands down!!
Rag Doll
Aerosmith vs. The Four Seasons
So Aerosmith is a great band, and this song is definitely a
classic. But at the same time, can you deny the Four Seasons anything? Both
songs are completely different. One from the 80s and one from the 60’s. Aerosmith’s song has an old time feel to it,
with the horns and the clarinet and Steven Tyler scatting. The Four season’s
song has an old time feel to it, because well, it is an old time song. What it comes down to in this one is
likability and skippable.
Skippable is a new word I made up, but for anyone that has
Pandora or Last.fm or any other radio device; skippable should come as no
surprise. It would be how you describe a song that you like, but maybe right
now you just don’t want to hear it, or you would rather hear something else.
So
when you get to these two songs on the list, in my opinion, Aerosmith’s song is
skippable, therefore the winner is The Four Seasons.
Walking On Broken Glass
Mest vs. Annie Lennox
Just because you haven’t heard too many songs by Mest, doesn’t
mean that they can’t write good songs.
Mest was one of those bands that I fell
in love with as soon as I first heard them. I wished that they would get more
popular but they never did. Their self-titled 4th cd featured a slew of great
songs, they were a great pop punk band in their day. Well needless to say one
of their songs was called Walking on Broken Glass
Meanwhile Annie Lennox is an incredible musician who was so
successful with Eurythmics then decided to release a solo album appropriately
titled Diva. One of the singles from that album was Walking on Broken Glass.
The video was this old school Victorian piece that featured, Dr. House and John
Malkovich. John Fucking Malkovich.
Do I dare continue?
No, Lennox wins this one easily. Think about it this way,
one of the videos below has over 4 million views. The other just over 4
hundred. I love Mest and still want a Mest tattoo but in this battle, Annie
Lennox took them to school.
Battle Royale
VENUS
By:
Frankie Avalon
Shocking Blue
Bananarama (cover of Shocking Blue)
Billy Idol
Low
Theatre of Tragedy
The Feelers
Butthole Surfers
Lady Gaga
Azealia Banks
This is one of those times where you think you have to go
with the oldie, I mean, Frankie Avalon is a heartthrob, he starred in summer
movies with Annette, but then he played the Teen Angel in Grease.
Shocking Blue
made a good song, and it was totally hippieriffic but Bananarama made it
better(at least for me), they revamped it for the 80’s and took it back to the
top.
Billy Idol made a song called Venus but not too many people
have heard it and anyone that finds it on YouTube is usually accidental. The Butthole Surfers song is just fucking
crazy. I like it, but not enough to ever declare it a winner of this over the
top rope match.
Lady Gaga and Azealia Banks are in the battle but their
songs are so wet behind the ears that they are easily thrown away. Time will
tell if either of these songs become a hit, they are both very good songs, just
have yet to stand up to the test of time, I definitely recommend checking them
both out. (for the record one on one, Banks would win)
So that leaves us with The Feelers and Low, both slow tempo
songs and both indie records. The Feelers make a decent attempt at a good song
and ramp up the volume towards the end of the song. Meanwhile Low’s song just
sort of seems to drag on. But it seems ok, and Low has some of the most
beautiful harmonies that the world has ever heard. On top of that Low is the
only participant that I have seen live, so my heartstrings tell me to go there.
In the end it is too close to call.
I am torn between two of these Bananarama and Low, so I will
call it a tie for now and let you lovely folks pick the winner.
It’s My Life
The Animals vs. Bon Jovi
This is an epic battle, two songs both great songs, but both
not their bands most famous. The Animals
hit paydirt with House of The Rising Sun, meanwhile Livin on a Prayer is so
good it is currently back in The Billboard Hot 100 due to a crazy viral video.
That is seriously nuts.
But back to the title
at hand; Bon Jovi’s song went to number 33, while the Animals went to 23. Ok,
so that is not much of a difference. What it comes down to is skippability (whether
or not a song is skippable) and live value. I was recently offered the chance
to go see Bon Jovi, but I turned it down, because I knew I would just be
waiting for Wanted Dead or Alive and Livin on a Prayer. I never even thought
about It’s my life.
Meanwhile if you told me I could go see the complete
original lineup of The Animals, back together in concert. I would be there in a
heartbeat waiting to hear every song they had, including It’s My Life.
Therefore, the Winner is, The Animals.
Triple Threat Match
Holiday
Green Day vs. weezer vs. Madonna
This is the main event and is for all the marbles. Obviously
it is easy to state whose corner I am in, but don’t worry this won’t be any
Montreal Screwjob.
Green Day comes in
the strongest with their song being the most recent and the one that probably
more people know. Madonna has a fighting
chance though because realistically her song peaked higher on the charts. But then there is weezer who comes to battle
with a song that never was a single but loved by many. Weezer’s song was
featured in the movie Accepted and recently covered by the Chipmunks. Honestly The chipmunks do it justice.
Lyrically Weezer and Madonna’s song are similar in the sense
that they are both very much interested in going on a vacation. Madonna’s is a
fun version while weezer wants to run away and be isolated with you. Meanwhile
Green Day is turning their lives into a Holiday and making a very obvious
political statement. If you don’t remember this is from the American Idiot
album which was very Anti GW Bush.
In the end what it comes down to is likeability and again
skippability. That pushes Green Day right out the window because I would skip
that song 9 out of 10 times I heard it. The other two I would let play, and
sing along with both. But only one would get me off my ass. Madonna.
That’s
right. I love this track, and what really makes it worthwhile is when Adam
Sandler sings it in The Wedding Singer.
Winner Madonna
For the record, there were a few prelims. Hall and Oates won
over Nelly Furtado for the Maneater title. Queen and Jefferson Airplane battled
to a draw for Somebody To Love and, Def Leppard beat the shit out of Ringo
Starr for Photograph.
Thank you for reading today, I would love to know if you
disagree, agree, or have others that I left out. I know that there are plenty
and I hope to have a Titlemania 2 sometime in the future. Keep rocking and we will see you soon.
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