Women Singers

Women singers that I don’t hate.

Yeah I know, that is a weird title, but that was the nicest way that I could put it. Don’t get me wrong I don’t necessarily hate any women singers, they just are not my cup of tea. (And lately I have been drinking a lot of tea)

So I sat down and I wrote a huge list of women singers, all the women that I could think of. I put together what I think is a mighty fine list. Then I thought, ok. Top ten it somehow.

But then I started eliminating them  for various reasons, and wouldn’t you know it, there weren’t even ten left.  I mean my eliminations were for what I thought as very poignant reasons.

For example first thing I did was eliminate anyone who I can’t listen to multiple songs by. So first it eliminated all of the one hit wonders, plus it eliminated anyone whose songs sound way too similar.

 So that eliminated a lot of people, the biggest name that that criteria eliminated was Mariah Carey.  Say what you want, I know she has a great range, but I cannot listen to her sing more than 1 song at a time without wanting to rip my ears out.

Next I eliminated anyone with any sort of vague sex appeal. Now I am not saying pretty girls cant sing, but I wanted to make sure that anyone that I thought of purely because of their looks didn’t sneak into the list. I mean, don’t get me wrong, all the woman that I do have listed have sex appeal, (ok maybe not all of them) but they are not there simply based on looks.

So this eliminated most current singers, Christina Aguilera, Katy Perry, and Britney Spears, all gone.  They are all very talented pop stars, Christina being the best singer of them, but whenever I see her on TV, she is showing more boob than an African lady in National Geographic. So I can’t justify her being on the list.

Then finally I eliminated all of the women that are cliché, the ones that the whole world will tell you are incredible singers, and you have this horrible pre disposition to go along with the crowd, when in reality you don’t really enjoy it.

Sounds crazy right, but I eliminated Adele this way. Lets face it, yes she is a good singer, but she is still so fresh, especially in America. Give her time and I might enjoy her and add her to the list, but she needs a proven track record for me.

 Same goes for Lauryn Hill. I agree with most critics that she is a genius, but as a solo artist she has only 1 decent album, and I don’t consider Unplugged to be a real representation of her music career. Again, I really would love to see her put out another album and change my mind, but 1 album doesn’t make you a star.

So that being said I was able to make a list of seven women, I made no effort to rank them into a top seven sort of thing.

Why Not?

Because they are so diverse and so talented in their respective genres. Not only that they span a long period of time from the 50’S  all the way up to the 90s and most of them are still active occasionally. So I can’t say who is the best.  Also, they all are number 1 to me, because to be whittled from a list of 35 down to 7 , and those were the only 35 I had thought of to that point.

So now that I have given you such a big fanfare and a huge breakdown, without any further explanation here comes the 7 women in music that I think are the best. The ones that I can tolerate the longest and appreciate the most. 

Stevie Nicks

So I figured I would start with Stevie Nicks since I mentioned her yesterday. 

Look, you want a weird opinion. If Stevie Nicks wasn’t fucking Lindsey Buckingham in 1974 nobody would know who she was.  But I don’t hold that against her. Let’s face it, she was latched onto Buckingham and in1974, Fleetwood Mac needed a new guitar player. Nicks was just along for the ride.

 I don’t think that Stevie Nicks has one of the greatest voices in the world. But she has a mystical side about her that I find intriguing. She has a growl almost distinctive scratchiness to her voice that somehow is soothing.

So as we discovered yesterday she laid the vocals on one of the greatest albums of all time. (That being Rumours. )  But she made so many other great songs, hell before Rumours she had already done Rhiannon and Landslide.  Then there was Silver Springs.

But let’s get totally honest, her solo work is what really takes the cake. Yeah I love what she did with Fleetwood Mac, but man when you hear the beginning of Edge of Seventeen, you get a little bit pumped. (Sometimes it’s a fakeout and ends up just being Bootylicious)

So I guess for me there is something good about Stevie Nicks and in the end she has had a variety of hits, and the only way to really tell if you are listening to a solo song or one with the band is by the backup singers. But I think that is a good thing. That’s her style. And for anyone that doesn’t know it is a White winged dove not one winged!!

Janis Joplin

I will tell you honestly, she barely made the list. It felt a little cliché; I mean let’s be honest It is easy to say someone is great after they have passed on.  And I am not trying to belittle her career at all, but look, my favorite (and a lot of other peoples too) Janis Joplin song(Me and Bobby McGee)  came out 3 months after she had died.

But that is a testament to how great Janis Joplin is!  Her voice is raw and by no means does she have a beautiful voice. She sounds like that woman who does a line of coke and then comes to the bar and drinks whiskey and cusses with the boys.  And that is exactly who she was, which is fucking cool!

Janis Joplin was a hot mess, before being a hot mess was cool.

I may sound harsh, but I mean all of that out of love.  Joplin was awesome as hell.  She made two albums with the band Big Brother and the Holding Company, then she made 2 of her own albums, and on all of them she sounds like a crass, kick ass get down and party blues singing woman.

Sure lifestyle wise maybe she isn’t a role model to some, but fuck those some.

 Joplin was a free spirit, she was bullied in a time that being bullied was accepted, and she came out on top. She was different, she had cool hair, she had tattoos before they were accepted as beauty. She hung out with the Grateful Dead. And Christ, Have you ever seen her car?

Screw her car, Go listen to Ball and Chain!  Listen to Move Over! Both of those are incredible songs, one with Big Brother and one from her posthumous album Pearl.  

Seriously if you don’t have a love and appreciation for Janis Joplin then you are crazy.

Madonna

Yep, quite a mix up going from Janis Joplin to Madonna,  but for those of you that admire Lady Gaga these days, she learned it all from Madonna. But that’s not to say that Janis didn’t pave the way initially.

Can I curse somebody for sucking in their old age? Yes but I can choose to just focus on their earlier work here right?

Yes, In my opinion Madonna has gone off the deep end lately and is not as cool as she once was, but what she once was is why she is here on today’s list. 

Madonna is after all the best-selling female recording artist of all time.  I mean she started off with hits like Holiday and Borderline.  Then she went through the roof with Like a Virgin.  And that was honestly just the beginning of her career. 

Then she had a hit with Material Girl and was in Desperately Seeking Susan. She wasn’t even the star of that movie but she took centerstage, and most people think she was the star of it.

But the Madonna that I loved, the Madonna that I thought was great -came during the Like A Prayer era.

I remember that tape like it was yesterday. I tell you what else, that tape ruined a lot of my life, because it had a perfume on it.  Supposedly it was Patchouli but I don’t quite think that was it.  But every time I smell that smell I can only think of Madonna. No one ever knows what I am talking anout and people think I am crazy.

But seriously, the title song and video were so controversial and crazy. Then she did express yourself and Catholic leaders were like, “ First she fucks a black saint , now she is empowering women- Get this Bitch!!”  I mean that video was crazy and awesome at the same time. It stirred up so much controversy, in fact there was more to do made over Madonna than anything Miley Cyrus has ever done.

Then Vogue, the cone Bras and all the crazy shit. I mean seriously how can you not love Madonna?  She went on a tour that was condemned by the Pope, I mean seriously, Pope John Paul could barely lift his own head, and he was urging people not to go see Madonna’s tour.  (Sorry Pope stick to bashing gays and criticizing women’s rights and leave Madonna alone)

Then Justify My Love, that video was so damn crazy that MTV wouldn’t even play it. Never mind that the album that it came off has now sold over 30 million copies, MTV won’t play it. The same fucking Network that 20 years later is glorifying teenage pregnancy and twerking refused to play a music video.( I guess that was a sign to come that they were going to take the Music out of MTV eventually)

The shit got crazier after that, but shortly after that she got her own record label and stopped putting out what I considered good music.

I still love her and give everything she does complete respect, but, for me,  she will never top this….

Aretha Franklin

She is The Queen of Soul.

She was in The Blues Brothers

Did you think it was a mistake, why are you still trying to learn more about Aretha Franklin; seriously, I could have stopped at her name. But I told you two facts about her. I don’t need to say anything else do I?

Are you kidding me, you still want more? I just gave you the Motherfucking Queen of Soul performing Fucking Opera, filling in for God Damn Luciano Pavarotti. One of the fucking Three Tenors gets sick and they call in Aretha Franklin.  Do You understand how unbelieving incredible that is?

Ok, how about this, I have never heard a song by Aretha Franklin that I didn’t like. I mean she started way back in the 60’s and is still around. She was on the cover of Time magazine. She hung outr with Martin Luther King.

Come on Aretha Franklin is an incredible woman, and beautiful singer.  She was the first woman in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, She has won 18 Grammys and had 77 singles on the Billboard hot 100. Seventy fucking Seven. 

Ok so you want a good recommendation, you have probably heard her biggest hits, like Respect, and Think. Or maybe Chain of Fools and Say a little Prayer.  But you want to hear some good shit.  Listen to Baby, Baby, Baby, or listen to her rendition of The Band’s hit The Weight.   Also check out Sit Down and Cry and Baby I Love You.

That’s it, that’s all you get.

Tracy Chapman

Typically I am not one to pull punches and I am against censorship, but as I was finalizing today’s post I found out about the death of Nelson Mandela. Mandela is someone that I look up to and respect very much. I had already planned on using the video that I used, but I did edit out some horrible comments about Tracy Chapman’s personal life. I am sorry if that is not what you come here for, but it just didn’t seem right.

Most people probably don’t think of Tracy Chapman when they think of incredible women but, hey I do.

So if you don’t know Tracy Chapman, I don’t mind, I will try to get you caught up to speed.  She has a voice all of her own and makes beautiful well thought out  music . I  mean I would say she is mainly folk but, she won a Grammy for best rock song in 1997.

She was folky and hip in the late eighties. And she never really lost any of that activism and voice as she got more popular.

Look, I will be brutally honest; she is one of the ugliest women in show business. I thought she was a man at first. She has a pretty low voice too. And she went through a period where her hair was kind of short. 

So you probably have heard the song Give Me One Reason, and hell Fast Car was a pretty popular tune.  But man, if you want her good stuff take a listen to Talkin’ Bout a Revolution. Listen to Baby Can I Hold You if you want to hear something beautiful. Seriously

Annie Lennox

Have you ever heard her and Alicia Keys’ cover of Everybody Hurts by REM?

No, Then you have no idea how incredible Annie Lennox is.

She started out playing with some cool bands during the end of the Seventies, Then in the eighties she went on and achieved stardom as half of Eurythmics. She literally could have stopped there, and I still would have included her on this list.

But she didn’t she launched a solo career that was even bigger than anything that she had ever done before.

Seriously Annie Lennox has like a baritone voice and it shouldn’t sound good, and it shouldn’t sound sexy but somehow it does. 

Fuck, Wanna know something crazy?

Of Course you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be here.  Annie Lennox is the only woman that I think looks good with a short hairstyle.  I know that is dumb, but seriously, the amount that I think Annie Lennox is talented is seriously ridiculous.  

Annie Lennox is the British Aretha Franklin, seriously, she has been called the greatest white Soul Singer. She has sold more than 80 million albums. 

I don’t even know how I can prove to you how great she is. Look at Sweet Dreams, and Don’t Ask Me Why from her time with Eurythmics.  Then look at everything she did as a solo artist. Walking on Broken Glass, No More I love Yous.  Check out Every Time We say Goodbye.

Chrissie Hynde

Hell, this is solely based on her work with The Pretenders, that is an iconic band right there and without Hynde’s vocals they would have been shit.

Throw away Brass in Pocket everyone knows that song, and yeah it is great but if that is the only reason that you have even  heard of The Pretenders then you have another thing coming to you.

Chrissie Hynde single handedly built The Pretenders to be what she wanted them to be. She is the only constant member of the group.

Chrissie Hynde is probably the hottest chick on this list, and I tell you what if she didn’t come out of the 80’s British New Wave scene I would have eliminated her based on that. But seriously when she sort of does that meow thing on Middle of The Road, that shit is hot.

You want to hear her at her finest listen to the Isle of View album. It is a live thing from the 90s and it is just an acoustic stripped down record. Seriously. Deep cuts on that album

Ok so there it is I hope you enjoyed it.  That Is the most you will ever hear me talk about women. So to all the women out there, if you want to be a great singer than use this as your inspiration.

And Hey- Love everybody – Stand Up Against Injustice- Stand Up For Freedom .